Did it!!

So, now it’s done.
Back at the end of May, I made a bet with Jubilee United Church. I bet that I could lose 25 lbs before the end of October. Following a liturgical calendar, I was betting that I could lose 25 lbs between the festival of Pentecost and the Feast of All Saints. (What I meant was “I had better weigh in before Hallowe’en or I’m in big trouble!”). Should I lose the bet, I offered to donate $1,000 to the ministry of Jubilee United Church. Should I win the bet, I was hoping that people might sponsor me by the pound, paying off for anything between 25 and 30 lbs lost. People seemed to be supportive. I imagined that I could even raise a couple of hundred dollars a pound – Imagine! I could lose 25 lbs and Jubilee would have an additional $5,000 to support ministry in Don Mills!!.
Well, that was not to be.
Instead, I lost over 30 lbs. On Sunday, October 31st, I weighed in at 248 lbs. – over 30 lbs less than when I started.
And people pledged almost $600/lb. That’s almost $18,000 to support the work and ministry that is Jubilee. WOW!
First, allow me to thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart... a heart that actually works less these days and should keep working longer. I have been overwhelmed by the support from the whole community. From the people offering me advice, the people spying on me in the grocery store, the people who read and supported this blog,, the people who were still adding sponsorship a week before my weigh in and those who also made it a mission to lose weight along with me (you look fabulous, by the way!).

So what did I do the afternoon after the weigh in?

You have to promise not to tell anybody...

I went to McDonald’s.
I went to the drive-thru.
I ordered a double quarter pounder with cheese.
Plain (I think that the condiments are probably not very healthy).
I ordered it as a meal.... with fries and a Coke.

I drove away with my meal in bag and looked for somewhere secluded to park. I imagine that it’s a similar feeling to cheat on a spouse... I was looking for somewhere to hide and indulge in my dirty little secret. Hidden behind a school, with no on around, I opened the bag. I rationalized: “Well, come on... I’ve been so good – I deserve to do something greasy and dirty and wrong.....”
I took a bite.
Salty fat filled my mouth...
I scarfed some fries.... more salty fat filled my mouth...
I washed it down with the forbidden elixir known as Coca-Cola...
I won’t lie... it tasted good.

Sort of...

But by the third bite, bite and sip, I was beginning to wonder what I ever saw in such things. I’m not going to give up greasy fat for life... but if I’m going to indulge, I think that it will be with lovingly made, hot frites, home made mayonnaise and a glass of champagne. I mean really... do I want my indulgences to be experienced in a car or in a place of comfort where I can enjoy myself with the fear of “being caught”? (this sounds eerily similar to a discussion I had with a young lady back in my formative years.....)

I indulged and discovered that I really don’t want to go there again. I really wasn’t missing anything. And after that, Monday was pretty much the same as Monday last week. I ate the same way, rode the bike the same way, and I believe, continued to live my life the way that I intend to for the rest of it... (although I’m thinking that I could look good in hats...)

In response to numerous requests, let me share with you my secrets

Actually, I have no secrets. There was no diet; no special regimen from which I am not released. I made a few simple changes. Here are a few:

1. Bread. I didn’t stop eating it – but eat a lot less of it. I gave up sandwiches for wraps and ignored the bread basket at restaurants. (unless it was hot and fresh... come on, I’m only human)
2. Water. I drink a lot of it. I drink still water, tap water, imported water, sparkling water.. I drink it during the day, I drink it at night. At a pub with friends or at a restaurant, I always have a large bottle of sparkling water first. Then, when I have a glass of wine or a pint of lager, I’m not drinking for thirst but for taste and I drink a lot less.
3. Eat slowly. I take my time and don’t wolf down my food or attack it like a challenge. The slower that I eat, the less I eat. (Turns out, my mother was right.).
4. Simple breakfast every day. Sugar free, high fibre, protein cereal and green tea. Or sprouted grains English Muffin and organic peanut butter and green tea. I’m not hungry for the rest of the morning.
5. No fast food. I don’t drive-thru; I don’t pick up; I almost never order in... If I’m in a rush a Zone Perfect bar does the trick.
6. I snack on crunchy sugar free cereal instead of nuts and candy. As long as it crunches, I’m happy.
7. Most of my eating is intentional... I work at not eating when I’m bored or when I’m watching TV and not paying attention to my hunger. Bored habit eating was a big problem for me.
8. No Nachos. (They are evil. I love them and they keep trying to sneak into my life... sometimes disguised as a Cheese Dip or sometimes the only thing on menu that can be shared... but I must resist their hot salty goodness.)
9. I walk a lot. More often. Great distances. My dog likes it... my wife likes the peace and quiet (she stays home).
10. Finally... occaissionally, I cheat. Every now and then, I forget about the rules – eat the bread, order the nachos, start with the wine. But then, the next day, I go back to my good habits.

So, you can see that I don’t really have a diet or a program that ends now that I’ve lost the weight. It is my hope and my firm belief that I will continue to lose weight until my body finds that weight that’s right for me. I knew that it wasn’t 286... I’m pretty sure that it’s not 248... so, in time, I will find my correct weight. And as I go, I will likely continue to blog. So, if you are inclined to keep reading, I will try to give you something to read....

But for now: Thanks for reading and supporting. If you pledged money, rest assured, i will be in touch soon!

It's time...

Well, it's weigh in day.
Today
3 hours and 24 minutes from now, I'll be standing on a scale in front of my congregation.
I've lost a lot of weight, but I'm still not looking forward to weighing in, in front of people. Even if I make it below 250 - that's a lot of weight loss, but I will still weigh 250 which is more than I need to weigh. I don't need to be publicly reminded of that... But, for my discomfort; if I make it - we should raise a little bit under $18,000 for Jubilee United Church.
$18,000 for the programmes that I believe in...
$18,000 for intergenerational activity (where else do 14 year olds and 40 year olds, not related, get to work, play and share together?)
$18,000 for exploring and talking about spirituality, God and being part of the arc of the universe that bends toward justice...
$18,000 for modeling not just tolerance, but engagement with ideas and politics across a broad spectrum.
$18,000 for making music with kids, walking labyrinths with all ages, clothing the naked, housing the homeless, feeding the hungry and welcoming the stranger.... not always perfectly but sincerely and hopefully.

Okay... enough preaching.

This past week has been tough.
I was two days on the road to Ottawa to lead a workshop. Everyone knows that you never eat properly on the road. It's a 4 hour drive each way, with each mile marked by red licorice or maltesers (sometimes I'll mix it up with gummi bears and chips) and as I am against bottled water, but need something to drink, I will consume a couple bottles of Coke. You don't have to be Kreskin to see where this is going...(although you do have to be old to appreciate that reference)
Also, while in Ottawa, I was looking forward to dinner with friends. Friends that I haven't seen in years. Friends that know good food and I was hoping would be willing to share that knowledge with me. (in truth, I would have enjoyed a cold pizza with them, as long as we could talk... they are both fascinating individuals)
Upon my return from Ottawa, I was scheduled to attend a Wine-Makers dinner. Wine tasting followed by 5 courses prepared by a Master Chef and accompanied by the fermented fruit of the Wine Maker's labours.

Not a good week in which to lose weight...

I went into the week determined not to be turned into foie gras (if you don't know the process, you're probably happier... let it go).

I drove to Ottawa with glass bottles of Sparkling Water and two bags of rice crackers (bbq and cracked pepper). Each bag represented 900 calories. They got me there and back, with about half a bag to spare. I didn't get bored... although drinking 3 liters of bubbly water did necessitate a stop on the way (unheard of on previous trips)
Fast food at the workshop was mitigated by the presence of salad at Wendys (bless her little red head).
Dinner with friends?? Well, we started talking over wine and cheese... (not good); we then went to a fantastic restaurant in Ottawa (Beckta)... and I was forced to make my way through amuse bouche, gnudi, duck breast, some truffles and appropriate wines. (not good, not good at all... which is to say - really good, really, really good... and who cares about a weigh in?!)

Upon my return to Toronto... I had to wrestle with the twin demons of Norman Hardie (brilliant wine maker) and Didier Leroy (French chef without peer). I did declare "Get thee behind me, Satan..." but the servers kept bringing the wine and food forward, rendering the relative positions of Didier and Norman, meaningless. Chardonnay, Melon de Bourgogne, Pinot Gris, Pinot Noir, more Pinot Noir, Cabernet Franc...Oysters, Artic Char, Quail, Fillet of Beef, Cheese.. I'm beginning to think to heck with it, I'll give the church $18,000 myself!

So, you can perhaps see my trepidation when it comes to this morning.
Two major indulgences and a road trip in the same week...

In Ottawa, at about 6:30 pm, just as I was hitting the road for home, I stopped in front of a Tommy Hilfiger store. I've been wearing the same two pairs of jeans since I started this campaign. And they are getting really baggy... my belt cinched all the way in doesn't keep my pants up... and as I have no future as a teen hip-hop dancer, I don't really want my pants half way down my thighs (or wherever people where them now)... so I went in to buy some jeans. It did not escape me that I was only willing to do this 400 kms away from home.
I hate trying on pants.
It makes me very insecure... in that change room the illusion that I am Cary Grant is replaced by the reality that I am Drew Cary...and I don't like it.
But, 400 kms away, maybe nobody will notice (we can talk about my narcissism later...)
I tried on 4 pairs on pants.
One pair was 2 inches smaller around the waist that my usual...
Two pairs were 4 inches...
One pair was 5..

I left the store with 2 pairs of pants - 5 inches less than my usual. (I went back and found another pair... I mean, who can live with one pair of jeans?)
That was cool.

I'm hoping that today feels that good...

We'll see

Crunch Time...

Well, the weigh in is just about 3 weeks away.
If I'm down 30 lbs, Jubilee United Church makes roughly $16,600 for it's programs.
So, I have motivation.
I have lost the weight - so there should be no drama. Except for a couple of things: 1. I've been weighing myself naked, and as I don't plan to weigh in naked at church on Sunday, October 31st (There's a Hallowe'en you won't forget!) - I need a couple three pounds beyond my goal to make it work. 2. Lately, I've been getting a bit lax... having made my goal, I've been a little bit too satisfied.
Too satisfied? A little lax? Let me explain:

I went to a new restaurant the other night and feasted on cured meats, cheese and two pastas... oh, yes and there was wine. In my glass... again and again.
I bought Purdy's Himalayan Pink Salt Caramels for my wife... but all she wants to do is smell them... it becomes my duty to eat them (just to be tidy). And I got Purdy's Himalayan Pink Salt Chocolate/Peanut Butter thingies, too... oh, and Sweet Georgia Browns (because they were there). Now, if my wife would do her duty and eat them - or some of them - I would be fine, but in a stunning display of non-support, she leaves them for me to eat. And then, a friend notes how good the salt caramels are with vintage Port... well, what could I do? Seriously, I ask you... wanting to honour my friendship and my marriage, I eat caramels and drink Port. (I'm not saying that I'm a hero - but I do make sacrifices for friendship and marriage).

But now it's time to bear down. I could always resort to the cabbage diet for the final week - that's good for 8 lbs - but I have avoided diets so far, just worked at smaller portions and better choices. I could find something to protest and go on a hunger strike - but there so many things making me crazy these days, that it's hard to choose. I could increase my bike time to 2 or 3 hours a day, or take my dog on 12 miles walks... but I don't think that Gladys the super dog is up for it.

So, all that I can think to do is to do what I've been doing... and keep my eye on the prize. Not the $16,000 (of which I get nothing! - shoulda had an agent!)- but the "less likely to have a heart attack, need knee replacements or snore himself into divorce before he's 60" guy that I'm meant to be.

My prayer for this month..
God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change the courage to change the one I can & the wisdom to know it's me

Myth Busting

As I travel and travail along this weight loss journey (to where? one wonders) - I have learned a few things and had a few myths and misconceptions shattered. I wish to take a few paragraphs to share some of those shattered myths... indulge me, if you will.

Myth 1. Nobody reads blogs.
Had you asked me a year ago, even a month ago, I would have spouted the conventional wisdom heard in bars and coffee shops; aboard trams and ferries; shouted from bridges and whispered feverishly in moments of passion - "Nobody wants to read your petty insights or participate in any way in the ephemera of your existence" (If spoken in feverish passion, one might add "Hubba hubba")
And yet... it's been six weeks since my last blog and I am constantly reminded of this fact by friends, colleagues, complete strangers and local politicians. (okay, the complete stranger part might be part of a dream.... I was naked, sitting in an undergrad Greek exam and talking to a dancing duck at the time). I am stunned how many people seem to be reading this blog.

Myth 2. The Whiskey diet works.
Please note, from the outset, that I have spelled Whiskey with an "e" - I'm Irish. I am not passing judgement on a Scotch Whisky diet. I was told by more than one friend that the Whiskey diet was good for a loss of at least 10 pounds. Simply trade wine for whiskey and watch the pounds melt away. I gave it try. I don't know about pounds, but I saw many evenings melt away...turned swiftly and painfully into mornings; had I maintained the diet, I am sure that I would have seen my marriage melt away and possibly my job and position in the community (which is up and over to the left). Although I tried it only for a short time, I found that the whiskey diet lead to fogginess, headaches and poor balance - it did not lead to weight loss. (note to self: maybe I should not have replaced my wine with whiskey ounce for ounce?)

Myth 3. Sitting on an Exercise Ball instead of a chair will assist weight loss.
I am told that sitting on one of those rubbber, air filled balls requires the use of more muscles, more often, than sitting in a conventional chair - leading to additional weight loss. Benefits include tighter abs, firmer buns and the illusion that you are living in a Dr. Suess book. I tried replacing my office chair at the church with a rubber ball... it was more than a little awkward to keep falling over when speaking with grieving parishioners or offering spiritual guidance to earnest seekers... and most people assumed that I was on the whiskey diet.

Myth 4. With a little will-power you can resist any temptation.
This is almost true... however, nobody can resist Himalayan Pink Salt Chocolate Caramels from Purdy's. I'm sorry - it can't be done. You might be able to resist the Sweet Georgia Browns (although, I can't imagine why you would)... but nobody living today or any day, can resist the Himalayan Pink Salt Chocolate Caramel. Don't even try...

Myth 5. When you lose weight, everybody will be impressed with the "New You"
I have, thus far, lost about 35 lbs. People tell me that they can see it in my face, they say that I look good... haberdashers eye me up and down knowing that I need new clothes (my pants are too baggy for hip-hop). I was beginning to think that things were going my way... and then last week, a woman stopped me in the local mall. This isn't new, as I am devastating attractive and have a certain savoir faire that makes the ladies swoon (wait, that might be part of my naked greek exam dream, too)... anyway, this woman stops me and asks, "Are you Rob Ford?"
Now, for those of you not local or contemporary to Sept 2010 Toronto - Rob Ford is running for Mayor of our fair city. Rob is a great big blond bully of a man, often appearing in caricatures as a pig.
I looked deeply into this woman's eyes hoping that my beard might set me apart from the big baby-faced Mr. Ford or that my charm might dissuade her or that I would, at least, see cataracts... but alas, all I saw was clarity of vision and sincerity of opinion. "No," said I, "I'm not Rob Ford"
"Are you sure? Because you look just like him... you could double for him in public appearances and nobody would know..."
As reassuring as it is that I can look forward to future employment as a body double for Rob Ford (and let's face it, if elected he's gonnna need a couple)... I did not take it as an affirmation or a vote of confidence. (I'm pretty sure that I've got a few more pounds than Joe Pantalone, but surely not Rob Ford!)


Myth 6. When you lose weight, you will feel better.
As noted above, I have lost 35 lbs and I still don't like the Harper government.

I trust that the shattering of these myths has not left you in pieces... but rather, a little wiser and more aware of the harsh realities of weight loss.

What NOT to eat

So, it's been over 2 weeks since me last post... and some folks have wondered if I've given up, if perhaps I'll be found face down in whipped cream, crumbs of short cake outlining my body as if in a crime scene... but I've simply been on vacation (another week to go, in fact) and I've also been plateauing.
I would say that I'm glad of the plateau - it's been three weeks with little change in weight, a pound up, a pound down...I would say that I'm happy because I was warned that if I lost too much weight too fast, I would run the risk of requiring a brassiere (it happens to large men)- and I've already got a restraining order barring me from La Senza... so it is perhaps best to slow down and allow my skin is shrink and tighten up to my slightly smaller body.
That's what I'm going with...

Then I begin to think of all the things that I have consumed in the past three weeks - which include
Peanut Butter Chocolate Raspberry French Toast
(so good....)
Steak Tartare
(twice...c'mon it was prepared by Master Chef and Chevalier Didier Leroy... it would be an insult to all of France to have resisted)
Frites...
(well, the steak tartare should always be accompanied by frites)
Mayonaisse...
(again, I was eating FRITES!)
A bag of dark chocolate covered blue berries
(think of the anti-oxidants!)
A medium bag of popcorn
(it was a movie!!)
6 sleeves of Wine Gums
(there was live theatre as well)
Fingerling Potato Chowder with Smoked Northern Pike and Sorrel; Cider-Glazed Perth County Pork Loin with herbed gnocchi, spring onion and asparagus ragout; A variety of local cheeses; Kir Royale; a bottle of Peter Huff Sparkling Wine (06); small glass of Armagnac
(hey, a guy's got to eat!)
Poutine
(Okay, I did it once... I had forgotten to eat all day when 3pm rolled around at the Harry Potter Exhibit and I was rather hungry... I shared a poutine with my wife... and couldn't eat again all day! The cheese curds just sat in my stomach and I couldn't even imagine eating... this might be the miracle diet the world is waiting for!)

So, I realize that the plateau might have more to do with some of my indulgences, rather than a subconscious campaign against man-boobs. But, before you condemn me, please consider everything that I did not eat in the past three weeks, including:

Home made fudge offered me by a friend
Countless pints of Guinness (I already had wine)
Cookies after church
Dessert after at least a dozen meals
A large box of Glossette Raisins (oh wait, I did eat those)
Cinnamon Buns made in my kitchen this morning
Poutine made by my son and his girlfriend in my kitchen last week
(I did not yet know about the "Miracle" Diet)
Fast Food (none... nada... zip...)
Eddie Izzard's Arm
(in fact, I have eaten no part of Eddie Izzard at all...)
Pop/Soda/Coke/Pepsi and the like (none... nada... zip....)
A whole spit roasted goat
A bathtub of tofu
Sour Cream
Dog Treats
(not one... my dog refuses to share now matter how much I beg... or roll over)
A whole box of Purdy's Sweet Georgia Browns (don't think I didn't consider it)
Any Dairy Queen Products
(even though Ice Milk sounds so much healthier than Ice Cream)
Any KFC product
('cause they ain't foolin' anybody!)


And so... I'm not sure what conclusions can be drawn, except that my weight drops slowly while my breasts do not... and I'm good with that for now.
In real terms, I've lost 31 pounds... as goes the contest, 23 lbs... 2 more and I'm in the money!! (I wonder what I'll to eat to celebrate!)

Silence is Golden...

I stopped snoring.

I know that doesn’t sound like much to you –
but it is very big to me (and to my wife).
I’m not a constant snorer but in the last year, it had become more frequent and it was devastating to me – causing my wife to lovingly flee our bedroom for quieter quarters. She claimed to not mind too much – but it was killing me. So after taking pills and putting strips across my nose to little avail, I was becoming depressed. Now, I find that my weight loss has finally silenced me...

Oh, and I can go longer than before...
longer without huffing, puffing and needing a rest.
I don’t need a nap when I’m done...
I can even bend down without strain, which is helpful, too.
All in all, my wife is very pleased, because now when I walk the dog, the dog comes home exhausted – not me. (You know that’s what I was talking about, right?)

The weight loss is showing real benefits and it continues to inspire me to try for more.

My knee (the one without the meniscus – thanks to arthroscopic surgery... originally I thought it was orthoscopic and they were going down through my mouth!)...
anyway, my knee doesn’t ache

The skin irritation on my calves that showed up from time to time, seems to be gone (or at least away for the summer)

I’m not hungry as often

Not eating out of boredom, I’m getting more done.

I’ve yet to discover the joys of tofu, but I am getting to enjoy all sorts of new beans and pods...

I do find that with the weight loss becoming evident in my face, I need to trim my beard more often... but I can live with that.

Now, my pants don’t fit... and I have no ass
(excuse me for being crude... if this offends you, assume that I lack an equine best suited for carrying cargo).
Back to my pants and lack of posterior definition... I’ve never had any luck – I’m a 48 old anglo-saxon – not a big surprise. I did notice in the paper the other day, that they are now selling bootie panties for women, with added padding so that even Olive Oyle can look like Beyoncé... I wonder if there’s a man’s product on the horizon?? It would solve both of my problems at once... just imagine!

Okay, don’t.

Let’s just go back to the fact that I’m no longer snoring and be happy with that.
I know that I am.

Stuck - Now What??

As a strategy game, I am told it's great.
In Nigeria, the state is awesome..
When Mordecai Richler sets stories within it's confines, it is incredible.
When you're living it... not so much.

I am speaking of the "Plateau"

I haven't posted in the last 9 days because, frankly, not much has happened. My weight loss as stalled... I have "plateaued".
It is to be expected (so I am told).
It will pass (so I'm told)
Things will begin to proceed soon (STOP telling me!)

I am sitting at 259 and have been so for more than a week. On one hand, I'm glad to be staying below 260 - especially with the steak tartare et frites,the four restaurant meals; the 13th St. Rosé,Tokaji, Red Breast Irish Whiskey (yes, real men spell whiskey with an "e"), the Huff Sparking Wine, Cahors, Fumé Blanc, Cremant de Bourgougne and Tequila Sunrise that somehow managed to find their way into my last 10 days. To be clear, I don't drink nearly as much as the preceding list implies - small pours, all of them... except those that were bottles... but shared!. Anyway, lots of summer celebratory behaviour leads me to be happy with maintaining my weight... but my general impatience is finding this all very frustrating.

I need to do something to kick the weight loss back into action. I could give up mayonnaise... but I don't really eat enough mayo that it would make much of a difference. I could stop giving into my insane craving for chocolate. (Yes, it's true I have the strangest craving for chocolate... I really fear that I'm about to turn into a 48 year old woman at any moment...). I have satisfied this craving by adding a handful of smarties to my large bag of nuts that I snack on twice a day. One handful of nuts and berries, twice a day - now with three or four Smarties included. I don't think cutting that out is going to make a difference.

What do I ingest in quantity that I could give up??

Hmmmm...

I thought about it; I tossed and turned... I consulted on-line psychics... I read my fortune with Old Maid Cards (gave my Tarot Cards to a local Jehovah`s Witness Fundraiser)
Finally, it hit me... it was so obvious, I don't know how I missed it.

I could give up wine.

Well, not all wine... perhaps I could give up Mexican Pinot Noir or almost anything from Australia! (not enough, eh?)

I could give up Burgundy... ouch!
I could give up Champagne... sacré bleu
I could give up Sparkling wine... fi
I could give up Burgungy... NEVER!
I could give up Malvoire, Norman Hardie, Fielding Estates, Hidden Bench, Huff, 13th Street... Get the behind me, Stan!!
(I don`t know who Stan is, but I suspect he`s a teatottler)

Given the enormity of this decision;
the importance of this decision
I have decided
to

re-dedicate myself to the gym.



I just couldn't find any single thing that I could change in consumption that would make a difference, so I need to increase my body's demand for calories.

More exercise.
Perfect!!


I should go right now...
off to the gym.
I have some time. My bag is packed, my Ipod loaded and my towel dry..

But suddenly, I realize that I should trim my beard.
Clean my desk
Arrange my shoes (see, I am turning into a 48 year old woman!)
Write a sermon
Call an old friend
Cut the grass
Watch 2001 and 2010 (I PVR'd them last week)
Play guitar
Play the flugelhorn
Take up the zither...

Yeah, I think I'll hit the gym tomorrow and see if that gets me off the plateau...
(although I will confess, that I'm getting to like the view...
and the food is great!)

Wish me luck
(or at least invite me to lunch)