Myth Busting

As I travel and travail along this weight loss journey (to where? one wonders) - I have learned a few things and had a few myths and misconceptions shattered. I wish to take a few paragraphs to share some of those shattered myths... indulge me, if you will.

Myth 1. Nobody reads blogs.
Had you asked me a year ago, even a month ago, I would have spouted the conventional wisdom heard in bars and coffee shops; aboard trams and ferries; shouted from bridges and whispered feverishly in moments of passion - "Nobody wants to read your petty insights or participate in any way in the ephemera of your existence" (If spoken in feverish passion, one might add "Hubba hubba")
And yet... it's been six weeks since my last blog and I am constantly reminded of this fact by friends, colleagues, complete strangers and local politicians. (okay, the complete stranger part might be part of a dream.... I was naked, sitting in an undergrad Greek exam and talking to a dancing duck at the time). I am stunned how many people seem to be reading this blog.

Myth 2. The Whiskey diet works.
Please note, from the outset, that I have spelled Whiskey with an "e" - I'm Irish. I am not passing judgement on a Scotch Whisky diet. I was told by more than one friend that the Whiskey diet was good for a loss of at least 10 pounds. Simply trade wine for whiskey and watch the pounds melt away. I gave it try. I don't know about pounds, but I saw many evenings melt away...turned swiftly and painfully into mornings; had I maintained the diet, I am sure that I would have seen my marriage melt away and possibly my job and position in the community (which is up and over to the left). Although I tried it only for a short time, I found that the whiskey diet lead to fogginess, headaches and poor balance - it did not lead to weight loss. (note to self: maybe I should not have replaced my wine with whiskey ounce for ounce?)

Myth 3. Sitting on an Exercise Ball instead of a chair will assist weight loss.
I am told that sitting on one of those rubbber, air filled balls requires the use of more muscles, more often, than sitting in a conventional chair - leading to additional weight loss. Benefits include tighter abs, firmer buns and the illusion that you are living in a Dr. Suess book. I tried replacing my office chair at the church with a rubber ball... it was more than a little awkward to keep falling over when speaking with grieving parishioners or offering spiritual guidance to earnest seekers... and most people assumed that I was on the whiskey diet.

Myth 4. With a little will-power you can resist any temptation.
This is almost true... however, nobody can resist Himalayan Pink Salt Chocolate Caramels from Purdy's. I'm sorry - it can't be done. You might be able to resist the Sweet Georgia Browns (although, I can't imagine why you would)... but nobody living today or any day, can resist the Himalayan Pink Salt Chocolate Caramel. Don't even try...

Myth 5. When you lose weight, everybody will be impressed with the "New You"
I have, thus far, lost about 35 lbs. People tell me that they can see it in my face, they say that I look good... haberdashers eye me up and down knowing that I need new clothes (my pants are too baggy for hip-hop). I was beginning to think that things were going my way... and then last week, a woman stopped me in the local mall. This isn't new, as I am devastating attractive and have a certain savoir faire that makes the ladies swoon (wait, that might be part of my naked greek exam dream, too)... anyway, this woman stops me and asks, "Are you Rob Ford?"
Now, for those of you not local or contemporary to Sept 2010 Toronto - Rob Ford is running for Mayor of our fair city. Rob is a great big blond bully of a man, often appearing in caricatures as a pig.
I looked deeply into this woman's eyes hoping that my beard might set me apart from the big baby-faced Mr. Ford or that my charm might dissuade her or that I would, at least, see cataracts... but alas, all I saw was clarity of vision and sincerity of opinion. "No," said I, "I'm not Rob Ford"
"Are you sure? Because you look just like him... you could double for him in public appearances and nobody would know..."
As reassuring as it is that I can look forward to future employment as a body double for Rob Ford (and let's face it, if elected he's gonnna need a couple)... I did not take it as an affirmation or a vote of confidence. (I'm pretty sure that I've got a few more pounds than Joe Pantalone, but surely not Rob Ford!)


Myth 6. When you lose weight, you will feel better.
As noted above, I have lost 35 lbs and I still don't like the Harper government.

I trust that the shattering of these myths has not left you in pieces... but rather, a little wiser and more aware of the harsh realities of weight loss.